Focus on the Family - Not the problems with your X

The more I learn about being a Blended Family the more important it is to define and focus in the new family and minimize the effects of the ex-spouse. The new family structure may be awkward at first. Let’s face it each member will need time to define their new place in the family. It may be easier if the family were to create a mission statement. A mission statement by definition is:
a summary describing the aims, values, and overall plan of an organization or individual. Dictionary.com's 21st Century Lexicon
This definition sounds rather cold and non-emotional. But when you let the family know what your plans are, they can rally behind and support one another. It also helps with some of the hard choices that come up when dealing with an ex-spouse.

Many ex-spouses still bring up bitterness in the family. The new spouse can see this emotional attachment. The depth of the emotion is usually how deep that person Is in our heart.

When I was dating my wife a friend of ours asked me why I believe God would want me to have a wife. I responded by sharing that “God would have access to a deeper part in my heart through my wife. She would be the only person that could affect me at this deep level. That God would see the opportunity, through her, to change my heart at a very intimate level”.

Sometimes it seems that when someone continues to have such depth of emotion with an ex-spouse, that space in the intimate part of their heart is still filled with emotion for this person and that space could be filled with the love of the new spouse and family.

Blended Families include others that support us

Here is an entry that was inspired by a friend of mine:
It’s interesting that you should bring up your dream today. Let me explain a little about our little group of friends. Today our family went to La Jolla (pics on my facebook) with another family that we have known for years. They consider my son, James, part of their family (the son they never had). We are going to be getting together with them for bible study and fellowship once a week. Another couple is going to join us. They were the best man and maid of honor at our wedding, and were there when James was born. In fact we had seven people in the room when my wife delivered, that’s about as intimate as you can get. We have helped each other through our struggles, laughed and cried with each other over the years. Back to getting together once a week, we plan to go out into our community as a group to reach out in some way. We are planning to give money on a monthly basis, above what we give our church, to help support another ministry or help fund a micro-business through Kiva (http://www.kiva.org). We want to go into the world and make a difference. If this sounds like the group you are looking for, let me know. We don’t have an application, but we can start with a hug and see how it grows from there.