Focus on the Family - Not the problems with your X

The more I learn about being a Blended Family the more important it is to define and focus in the new family and minimize the effects of the ex-spouse. The new family structure may be awkward at first. Let’s face it each member will need time to define their new place in the family. It may be easier if the family were to create a mission statement. A mission statement by definition is:
a summary describing the aims, values, and overall plan of an organization or individual. Dictionary.com's 21st Century Lexicon
This definition sounds rather cold and non-emotional. But when you let the family know what your plans are, they can rally behind and support one another. It also helps with some of the hard choices that come up when dealing with an ex-spouse.

Many ex-spouses still bring up bitterness in the family. The new spouse can see this emotional attachment. The depth of the emotion is usually how deep that person Is in our heart.

When I was dating my wife a friend of ours asked me why I believe God would want me to have a wife. I responded by sharing that “God would have access to a deeper part in my heart through my wife. She would be the only person that could affect me at this deep level. That God would see the opportunity, through her, to change my heart at a very intimate level”.

Sometimes it seems that when someone continues to have such depth of emotion with an ex-spouse, that space in the intimate part of their heart is still filled with emotion for this person and that space could be filled with the love of the new spouse and family.

Blended Families include others that support us

Here is an entry that was inspired by a friend of mine:
It’s interesting that you should bring up your dream today. Let me explain a little about our little group of friends. Today our family went to La Jolla (pics on my facebook) with another family that we have known for years. They consider my son, James, part of their family (the son they never had). We are going to be getting together with them for bible study and fellowship once a week. Another couple is going to join us. They were the best man and maid of honor at our wedding, and were there when James was born. In fact we had seven people in the room when my wife delivered, that’s about as intimate as you can get. We have helped each other through our struggles, laughed and cried with each other over the years. Back to getting together once a week, we plan to go out into our community as a group to reach out in some way. We are planning to give money on a monthly basis, above what we give our church, to help support another ministry or help fund a micro-business through Kiva (http://www.kiva.org). We want to go into the world and make a difference. If this sounds like the group you are looking for, let me know. We don’t have an application, but we can start with a hug and see how it grows from there.

I have to learn to Love?

In 1 Corth. 13:4-7 we read: Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. New Living Translation (NLT) These are the verses that affect me most as I live out my blended family life. I will be sharing several examples of how I had to choose to be more like God through the application of these verses. A family is an awesome environment to learn to love. And a blended family has a lot of issues that can complicate things even more. For one, you are dealing with several different definitions of the word family. To some children it may mean security. To another, family is temporary and they wonder when will this relationship end, and end badly. Another question that complicates things is what does the title “Dad” mean to the different children? That brings us to the first part of the scripture, “Love is patient”. Just think, how are you are going to handle each child with the “Dad” question? Are you going to ask each one "are you going to call me dad"? What does dad mean to you? Do I need to give my definition? Does it bring security to the family? Do we need to redefine the label so that it is just a name, a place holder, for the man that my mom married? Or are you going to call me dad because it means I love you as a father loves his children. I’ll continue this line of thought in my next entry.

A Blended Family life is a place to learn about LOVE......God

I'm often reminded how God has allowed me to learn how to love him more by learning how to be loved more and in different ways.