Take one off and put one On

⁶does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

⁷bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I like it when the bible tells you what not to do, and then lets you know what to do. I call this the “take one off and put one on” way to grow in the Lord. ⁶does not rejoice in unrighteousness this sounds like a no brainer. But now I have to define what would be considered unrighteousness. When we have words, Christian only words that we can hide behind we don’t need to change. That’s why I like to see what I’m supposed to put on, but rejoices with the truth, now I see what I’m going to put on. That brings up the question; AM I REJOICING IN TRUTH OR REJOICING IN UNRIGHTEOUSNESS, LIES, HALF-TRUTHS, IMBELISHING?

What about the consequences? Sometimes telling the truth is difficult to live with. Then I read: ⁷bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. So now I have to do the right thing and trust that God will take care of all things. I will have to bear all the consequences, believe that God will take care of me, have hope in the vision that God has given me and endure all the struggles that come as God seeks to change me through my wife and kids.

A blended family is such a great opportunity to apply these verses. On several occasions I was putting up (bears) with conflicts that came from memories that were triggered from current situations. I had to suck it up, take a ten count and know (believe) that this too will pass. That as the triggers were defined and worked through eventually we will create new memories that will minimize the effects of the triggers. I had to try to see my wife as the beautiful woman that God created and my kids as the Godly man and woman that God desires. To know that one day Gods vision of what will be (hope) will one day be restored. So each day I will be the one that endures all things, all things, OK that is a bit too much to endure. I will try to get to most things first. Then I looked at the next verse where ⁸Love never fails. All and Never, the bible keeps getting harder verse by verse by truth by truth.

What is love? What is not love?

⁴Love is patient; love is kind and is not jealous;

Patient, do I want to be patient? Why is being patient important? I went to an online dictionary to find more details about being patient. Here is what I found.

pa-tient -adjective dictionary.com

Bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortutude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.(emphasis added):

All this bad stuff is coming at me and then – with – all this good stuff is how I’m suppose to react. If this was a business arrangement it would stink. But love is not a business contract it is a life commitment. So far this sounds too dry, so let’s get back to the emotional side of love.

As I think of the fantasy that love and intimacy can, and should, be at the beginning of a great relationship, I think back to when I first kissed my wife – WOW!! I was on cloud 9, whatever that means. Have you ever thought about these expressions that we say over and over but we never know where they originated? Anyway, where was I, Oh yea – WOW!!

Then I remembered when I became a Christian. WOW! I now had confidence in my eternal salvation. I know that God’s love for me and my love for my wife are different kinds of love. But this whole new side of love opened up to me when I became a Christian. And a whole new love opened up in my heart when I fell in love with my wife. The question became, am I to be an example of God’s love to my new wife and kids? Is God going to use me to redefine their definition of how love works? Am I going to be able to love my wife as I want God to love me? How is this all going to look in real life, “where the rubber meets the road”.

But then I started thinking how patient God has been with me. I reread the definition of the word patient. OK, I know I haven’t been annoying…well maybe a little. But only when I’m sick, hungry, tired, and maybe, well now that I think about it??? And God was right there being calm, without complaint or anger. OK, then I needed to take a deeper look at my relationship with my wife. Am I as patient with my wife as God has been patient with me?

NO!! I’ll never be able match His level of patience, but I’m willing to try.

Then I went on:

love is kind All right!! Now you’re talking. I know I’m kind, at least I can think of a couple of times that I have been kind,

and is not jealous; Two in a row I’m not jealous, well maybe that one time, but anyway what else;

love does not brag and is not arrogant, back to back success I don’t brag, if I do say so myself. And I’m not arrogant like most people, I’m just better than most people at not being arrogant.

⁵ does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, This is where I hit the brakes and came to a sketching halt.

Wrong suffered.

I need to stop and think of how many wrongs my wife has suffered. I’ll get back to you later.

Hi I'm back. I had to think, how many times did my wife get yelled at by her ex-husband. How often does she think of the bad times in her life. What do I do that might trigger these images.

When I’m right, I’m right – and YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!

²If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

³And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

These verses can really set up some insightful Blended Families learning situations. If my wife and I are having a conflict, and I am right! I know I’m right and she is wrong! And I want to let her know that she is wrong – but do not have love, I am nothing.

Have not love: Paul is using the Greek word agape. Agape is the fourth word for love. It is a love that loves without changing. It is a self-giving love that gives without demanding or expecting re-payment. It is love so great that it can be given to the unlovable or unappealing. It is love that loves even when it is rejected. Agape love gives and loves because it wants to; it does not demand or expect repayment from the love given. It gives because it loves, it does not love in order to receive…. But it can be defined as a sacrificial, giving, absorbing, love. The word has little to do with emotion; it has much to do with self-denial for the sake of another. (Bolded emphasis added)

Guzik, David. "Study Guide for 1 Corinthians 13." Enduring Word. Blue Letter Bible. 7 Jul 2006. 2010. 14 Jan 2010.

Who in their right mind would want to make this kind of love “self-denial for the sake of another” a part of any relationship? As I reflect on these words my thoughts go to Jesus and the cross. If it didn’t hit you like it hit me, this is where I began to understand better that I must sacrifice the “I” in my life for the “we” – No, the “He”, as in He is in my life and is going to change the deepest parts of my heart through the love He has put in my heart for my wife. I am now going to learn more about Jesus, His love and His sacrifice as I walk deeper into the “Love Chapter” of His Living Word.

The Excellence of Love – In a Blended Family Life

1 Corinthians 13

¹If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

When I finished reading this verse, the phrase “I have become a noisy gong” hit me over and over. I started to ask myself a few questions. Who would want to be a Noisy Gong? This is not what I would want to be in my personal life, my work life or my family life. Then two questions hit me at about the same time “how do you become a Noisy Gong”? And “Am I a Noisy Gong in any area of my life right now”?

So now I had to see what would make me a Noisy Gong. I started to read the verse again. And again I’m hit with a phrase, “If I speak… but do not have love”. To me God’s word had me evaluate myself. When I speak to my wife, how do I show God’s love to her? When I am at work do others hear language that is “God-like”. Do I speak better to my friends than I do to my family members? So I came to the conclusion that it’s not very hard to be a Noisy Gong. But having love, showing love, knowing love – knowing God is the place to start to learn how to live a life that is Love.

Those with no experience need not apply

As I watch James skateboard, trying different jumps and tricks, I see him build up confidence. He looks at me for a word or look of encouragement. He drops in and I see the fear in his eyes go to commitment in his actions. Life can be very similar. We can live on the edge and see the action. If we watch and learn but never drop in we will not grow in our understanding of what God has for those that apply Gods Word. The ones that Do Something for God are the ones that count on Him. We can drop in and hold on for the ride of our lives or we can continue to learn about how to apply Gods Word and never apply.