What have you learned by being in a StepFamily

What is your story?

Call me DAD, call me Step-DAD, or call .......

Keeping Children out of Conflict

The issue of whether to call a step-parent "mom" or "dad" is difficult for some families. Let the child determine how this goes. Never push a child to call a step parent by these names.

This facebook entry brings up how my son and I handled this situation.  We talked about it!

The first thing I wanted to do was to find out what DAD meant to my son and to tell him what it meant to me.  We had to redefine what DAD meant.  This allowed us to understand each other better. It gave him the control and confidence as we both knew what he meant when he called me DAD.

OK, let's get lost

Then He said to them all, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it."

— Luke 9:23–24

If I lose my life does that mean that if I agree to this that I will be lost.  I thought that "once I was lost, now I am found" solved this problem.  Now He wants me to follow Him. And the way that God "sells" this to me is that I must take up my cross.  Not a great selling point.  Taking up a cross brings up images of a crucifixion. So how do I start down this path.......I deny myself.  I say no. No to what I want, the job, lifestyle, the........ you fill in the blank.

The best part of this is next.  If I lose my life for His sake I will save it.  That sounds like I will have to go through  a few intersetions, up a few hills, down a valley to two, STOP some things, go forward when I don't know where I will end up.  I may even hit a few dead ends, make some U-turns, get hit from my blindside and have to get a new job, career, church, ministry or "C" all of the above.

To save my life. Why would someone NOT want to get to the end and save their life, their kids life, their wife's life.  It seems to me that if we "want the best we need to get rid of the rest".  So what do I need to do today to follow Him?  What is my cross that I will need to carry today?  Is my desire to save my life, to find the best for me and my life, stronger than my desire to hold on, to be in control, of MY life.  Is this MY LIFE?  

Is that the problem?     IT'S MINE

When I have it all.

1Cor13:2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I have....All....If I have....But have not love.

Who is this I person?

If I have insight to the future. If I have insight to see what others do not see. If I know, because I have studied and I know that I know more than you. If I have lived by faith and my faith is greater than yours. If I can see that you are of little faith, you do not know the bible as well as I do, and you can't see what is going to happen to you if you do not change your life. If all these things are true, is it okay for me to feel above you? Is it okay for me to tell you that you do not know what you are talking about? Is it okay for me to twist, no --- to pick out verses that support my position and make that the focus so that I can say or do something that I believe God has given me the okay for me to do.

Is it okay ---- or is it expected of me to show love in spite of my privileges. If I ------

2 Corinthians 6:12 If there is a problem between us, it is not because of a lack of love on our part, but because you have withheld your love from us.

If us, you and I, if we, If we as family, as children of God, as friends, care and show love to each other, and others. If WE show love, will that be when the world will seek to come and want to be with us? Like us? Want to be loved by us? When am I the I? When are we the us? Am I the problem?   I

Pink Elephant - Blue Elephant

How do you change your thoughts from bad habits and thoughts to Godly actions and His word.  Let me share what has worked for me over many years.  Here is an exercise:

First I want you to think of a Pink Elephant.  Stop reading and make sure you have this image then come back and read some more.

Now I want you to try to stop thinking about this image.  If you have a problem doing so that's OK.  Stop reading until you have done this or five seconds have passed.

Most people will not me able to stop thinking about the Pink Elephant.  So here is my suggestion.  Start to think of a Blue Elephant with Big Yellow dots.  Stop reading until you have that image.

Great now where is the Pink Elephant??  Most people will now have the new Blue Elephant in their thoughts and the Pink is long gone.  If you were able to stop thinking about the Pink Elephant you probably thought of something else.  This is a principle that the bible tells us to follow.   When the bible tells us to stop doing something, "put off",  it will tell us what to "put on".

The hardest part of this process is coming up with the Blue Elephant BEFORE you are in a situation where you are facing the Pink Elephants in your life.  Come up with some great images that are Godly, fun, or just a great distraction. If your in a conflict, compliment the persons shoes and ask them where they bought them. Now you have a Blue Elephant you can focus on and the person that you are having a conflict with is now thinking about where they purchased these shoes that they like and that you have complimented.

How Big Is Your God???

Our problems in this world are only as big as our view of how Big our God is compaired to our problems.

If you have a big God, then you have a relatively small problem. But if you have a big problem, then it might be that you have a small God
Philippians 4:6-7

What has God put on your Heart? Did you ask for it?

"Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full."

   John 16:24
Last night we had our small group.  We talked about wisdom and if we pray for wisdom often.  Today I read that I do not have because I do not ask.  What else does God "have for me" that I am not asking for???  I see that God wants my "joy to be full".  So do I!!! And all I have to do is ask for the things that God wants to give me anyway.  Where is the catch?

"My name"...........What do I ask in His name? Now I need to think from His perspective. He knows my gifts and talents, He gave them to me.  He sees what is happening in my life, God has a "birds eye view".  If I look at me from His point of view, what would I give me to accomplish, no to bring Him glory, that would fill me with joy.  Time to think about me from His perspective.  More later.

What Baggage do you carry around?

In Blended StepFamilies each person is going to have a history. A history without the StepParent. This history is going to be filled with memories.  Some good, some great and some memories are - Baggage.

Baggage: things that encumber one's freedom, progress, development, or adaptability; impediments: intellectual baggage that keeps one from thinking clearly; neurotic conflicts that arise from struggling with too much emotional baggage.

Do we all carry baggage?  Can we ever be without something that we need to work on from our past?  Do we need to hold on to something in our past so that we can move forward and "see our progress".

Some people hold onto the baggage as a safety blanket.  A better example might be someone that is holding onto a rock in the middle of a fast flowing river. They are surrounded by turmoil but don't want to let go for fear of what may be downstream. 

The best thing to do may be to take a look at our memories and come up with a Good, Great and Baggage memory box.  Then we may be able to work on our Baggage.  Here is a video that may help you take a look at Baggage.  Can we let God carry it out of our lives?

What will it take?

Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains.  Mark13:8

(Earthquakes in the last 7 days)

What will it take for us to get up and "Do Something" to reach the world for God. 
 
Most of us have heard similar statements.  Most of us agree that someone needs to do some reaching out to the world.  We have also been told...... told - Why do I have to be told. And who is telling me. 

As I hear about the "final days" I know that there will be earthquakes and famines.  "Wars and Rumors of Wars" .  But what will if take for me to reach MY WORLD.  My family, friends, kids friends, wife's friends, my friends(do I have any non-Christian friends?), co-workers, etc........
 
What WOULD I DO if I knew that the Lord was coming next month.  Would it change my attitude.  Maybe not.  Let's be honest with each other.  Be honest to yourself. Would you change?
 
Were you honest to yourself about the last question?  It is so much easier to NOT change, then to change my life.  But what would it take for me to ___________________ for God?  Fill in the blank.  It may be as simple as listen to my kids more and tell them I love them more often.  It may be to invite the neighbor over for a BBQ on Saturday then to church on Sunday.
 
Does God have to shake up your world for you to listen.  Does God have to shake MY world for me to listen.  OH YEA!  He's already done that.  Earthquakes are no big deal anymore. "Oh, did you feel that one? It was another earthquake, Where are we going for lunch?"
 
What would it take?  I don't know.  I don't have time to think about that right now so I'll have to get back to you at another time.  Time......................???

Is it time to STOP?????

When was the last time we STOPPED? Just stopped doing, thinking, working, playing, etc....... Can you remember? Do you know how to STOP and listen to what God wants to ask us, tell us, share a moment with us? What are we making more important then God? Maybe we need to stop the things that we make more important. What if God is ready to ask "What do you want me to do for you?" Would we hear Him?